Manhattan

Manhattan: 1979 Dramedy?
Starring Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep, Mariel Hemingway. Written and directed by Woody Allen.


Marc Horton plot synopsis: Following his divorce from Streep, Woody the writer has a bunch of affairs - all irritatingly boring - including one with a "woman" who is still in high school (Hemingway). I mean, in the final scene, Hemingway's character actually says she just turned 18: "I'm finally legal."

The hype: Hailed for its gorgeous B&W cinematography of land the Indians sold to the Dutch for a few guilders worth of crap, Manhattan is also hailed for its use of Gershwin music as its musical bed. Putting the two together in this film made me wonder whether the better way to go would be to carve my eyes out with broken bottles or fill my ears with muriatic acid, because one day I'd like to listen to Gershwin again without having to think about this cinematrocity.

Videohound's Golden Movie Retriever 2001 calls the movie a "scathingly serious and comic view of modern relationships in urban America and of the modern intellectual neuroses." I'd bet $10 that "review" was ripped directly from the movie's VCR tape box that doubtlessly sat, unwatched, on the shelf of the local Crazy Mike's Video from 1979 through 1984, until Beta was officially declared dead and all the tapes were landfilled.

The Fat Man's review includes the understatement: "This is a variation on a familiar theme."

Politically Incorrect Movie Review: At what point do we start classifying Woody Allen's oeuvre as kiddy porn?

Amityville Horror (1979)

Amityville Horror (1979): Horror, starring James Brolin, Margot Kidder.



The Marc Horton plot synopsis: Young couple buys drafty old house that had been the scene of a mass murder. Husband starts acting a little kooky. Priest and nun make visits, suffer convulsions. Couple and their friends make a late-night visit to the library to get to the bottom of things. etc.

The hype: Hyped as a true story but pretty much all of it has been debunked or refuted over the years, except for the fact that the house was the site where some discontented kid shot his parents and siblings. Took in $86 million at the box office.

The reality: Brolin and Kidder aren't going to win any Academy Awards for their acting at the best of time, but Rod Steiger did, for "In the Heat of the Night". Maybe it was the director's fault.

Roger Ebert called it, "dreary and terminally depressing." That sounds more like an Ingmar Bergman film. This is just derivative (mostly of The Exorcist) and dull.

The Political Incorrect Movie Review: If you thought this was scary in 1979, you were probably watching too much Carol Burnett Show.